I'm happy and I know it

I’m now five weeks into my 365 days of happiness, so how’s it going? Fantastically well, to be honest. Of course very little has changed in terms of the major challenges in my life; we’re still struggling for cash, my wife’s back has gone from bad to worse and I’m still a 44-year-old man in seemingly perpetual career limbo.

But what has changed in a big way is me. I’ve got so much more energy now I’m not being dragged down by unhappiness. Life has really started to become fun again and I’m laughing a lot. There are numerous day to day challenges of course, but I’m working hard to keep on track.

I’ve recently started jumping up and down when I feel unhappiness approaching, a friend told me it’s impossible not to smile when you’re leaping and it really works. Although of course it does look a bit odd.

I’ve been touched by the comments on this blog, and by the amount of people who have said they will join me, please do share your experiences with me.

Every day I believe more and more in what I’m saying – there really is no connection between happiness and happy / unhappy. Happiness truly is an independent state, if we only allow it to be.

Great wife, amazing kids, a full head of hair – like so many people I felt I had no real grounds for feeling unhappy. But all too often I did, and it was getting me down.

And then this afternoon I had a sudden realisation. I was 20 minutes into my siesta when my wife and kids came home, shouting, laughing, and generally being their 40, 5 and 3 year-old selves.

“¡CHICOS, YA!” I screamed. Which roughly translates as: “¡For the love of God, Stop!” They fell silent, but I couldn’t get back to sleep. So I stomped out of bed, made myself a coffee and lit up a cigarette.

And then it dawned on me.

I am happy. But not always of course, and if the truth be told I spend a decent amount of time veering between mildly piqued and downright upset. And there are some pretty salient reasons for my malcontent; our ongoing financial woes, my all-too frequent sleep deprivation, my wife’s general Spanishness.

Of course I wasn’t miserable all of the time. But I didn’t feel that I’d actually achieved happiness, there was always something lacking. A lottery win, literary plaudits, getting a little place in the county where I can enjoy some quality family-uninterrupted time. And I knew when these things became reality then I actually would be happy. Completely happy.

But I suddenly realised it was a lie – of course I can become happier, but that doesn’t mean I’m not happy now.

So I’m going to live what I know is true, I’m going to be happy for 365 days, whatever happens. When problems arise I’m going to recentre myself and then react in the way a happy person would. No anger, no strops, not even mild discontent.

Because in the same way we instinctively feel a collection of happy events is the basis of happiness, we emotionally know the opposite is true. But I don’t believe it is. What I’m attempting to live is my belief that happiness is entirely independent of the highs and lows of my little life, that it’s far bigger than me. That happiness a permanent state for us all, if only we allow it to be.

I’m not going to try and deny the bad or irksome events. They will exist, it’s not a year of self delusion, or an exercise in positive thinking. Nor is it a search for happiness, because I’ve already found it.

I’m just going to spend a year being happy.

Now that I know I am.

Cathal Morrow, 21 June 2010